Some Thoughts

Some Thoughts

I'm insecure

I have no self confidence

I can barely look at myself in the mirror most days 

I don't think I'll ever be good enough

I don't think I'm deserving of someone's (or anyone's) love or attention

I push myself very hard because I don't think I'll be lovable unless I change myself

I have to fight through a constant battle in my head every minute of every day

I usually run away instead of getting close to anyone because I'm afraid to show my true self and be open and vulnerable

I have a hard time speaking my mind and talking about feelings 

I struggle a lot with body image a lot and I have food anxieties - I'm doing a LOT better than I used to but I still have my moments

I'm learning to respect myself more and because of that, I know that the person I'll end up with is someone who doesn't care what I look like, they would love me for me. No matter what.

I hope to find someone who could love every fucking inch of me and would kiss my curves, stretch marks, scars and crazy strong runners legs and doesn't only like me for how I look

I hope to find someone who, even when they don't understand why I'm feeling the way I am, is there to be supportive, understanding, empathetic and help me through it 

I hope to find someone who will kiss my forehead and tell me everything is alright  

I hope to find someone who can just look at me, and all of my insecurities disappear 

I want to end up with my best friend  

I want someone who loves adventure and has an open mind  

I want someone who can keep me safe and keep me wild  

My way of dealing with emotions is by taking it out on myself because I dont know how to express it and I don't know how to be vulnerable.

I'm afraid if I show emotions then I'll get hurt or someone won't like me because of it, so instead I try to be strong and independent, which is why I'm really good at being alone - even when I don't want to be

I don't know why anyone would ever want to be with me

I'm a mess

I come with anxieties, struggles, flaws and scars

I'm looking for someone who can accept all of that and after all my shit I've been through, I know how I want to feel with someone, how I want to be treated and I have learned to appreciate myself enough to not settle for less

Friday Feels - August 8th

Friday Feels - August 8th