Flips and dips
Eating disorders are like a roller coaster ride.
You're helplessly strapped in and taken on this ride. There's flips, dips, turns and your head gets banged around a lot. You don't know which way you're going next and there's usually that point where it slows down and you work your way up only to go speeding downwards.
Your palms are sweaty, your heart is racing and you just want it to be over. And you'd better believe there's moments you feel sick to your stomach.
You slow down again and you get back to the main gate and you think it might be over, only to realize you're going around for another round.
You want to get off, you've had enough and you want to go home, but for some reason you also love this roller coaster and you want to keep riding it. So you stay on it.
Right now I'm on a flip. Or a dip. I'm not sure.
I'd like to get off but I also want to stay on.
Food guilt is eating me up right now - no pun intended.
The last time I felt like this I made a decision I shouldn't have and let the sick to my stomach part get the better of me. I'm doing my best to fight that urge this time, although it is very temping.
Someone always loses a sandal on roller coasters too.